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Last month at Heart of England
All our antics are written up in our national magazine
'Jampot', posted to all members monthly. It is worth the club membership
subscription just for the Heart of England notes. Everything
is written up without any exaggeration. Our reporter, Mr. Bob Nunn, is renowned for his accuracy and verity.
July 2010
The Heart of England's gold star
award for July has got to go to Barry and Pam. First off they organised a
superb treasure hunt that gave us a great evening's entertainment winding
around the country lanes surrounding the Woburn
area. With 25 questions pitched just right to be challenging without being
vexing and clear directions that most of us found easy to follow it
proved a winner all round. John of course, taking unfair advantage of being
brighter than the rest of us won with Chris coming a close second while Conway
& Bill and Lyn & I finished joint third. Fortunately prizes were
awarded for simply finishing so there was no need to squabble. Not content with
that they then went on to lead the section weekend away run to the Isle of Wight. Trying to shepherd seven bikes and a
couple of cars through busy towns and country lanes would test the patience of
a saint yet he made it look simple. Conway
too deserves an award for finding a brilliant location in Ventnor and
organising rooms for us all plus arranging three days of glorious weather.
Heart of England Isle of Wight section members Robin and June deserve special
thanks for booking us in at two wonderful restaurants while together with Harry
and Geoff they led us around their local area and showed us the parts most
tourists would miss. Sadly 150+ miles and a ferry crossing is
a bit much for them to attend Thursday night meetings but we live in hope. Next
up came Louise and Rick's wedding, an event drawing
from the Fenrunners and Poachers as well as our own
crew. The day was brilliant, the bride radiant, the beer abundant and the hog
roast mouthwatering. What more can I say? Now we just
need another victim to marry off so we can put it in next year's calendar.
Finally the run to the Bell
at Odell fell victim to the weather. The meeting up at
the White Horse bit went well enough but after watching the rain through the
pub window over a pint an acute attack of common sense set in and another round
ordered. Sometimes discretion and dry trousers are the better part of valour.
June 2010
June has been the Heart of England's
busiest month so far this year. The first evening run on the 10th to the Black
Boy at Oving drew a surprisingly good turnout despite
the heavy overcast skies and fine soaking rain. Wisely Bill & Conway chose
to go in the car and though we ribbed them for it I think there was a hint of
jealousy there. Our efforts were rewarded though as both the beer and the
atmosphere in this nineteenth century pub was superb. Sadly only three turned
out for Lawrence's mystery run on the 13th which
took us to the Bygones Museum at Claydon on the Oxford canal. The day was hot and we sat
outside for a pleasant lunch in the courtyard of this quaint little museum,
packed with stuff we all remember from our childhood. (No,
valve radios and paraffin stoves, not suits of armour and dinosaur eggs.)
Unfortunately Conway
was caught on camera vandalising the phone box - you can't take these ex-BT
types anywhere - but we pretended we didn't know him so it was all right. To
round the day off we stopped for drinks at a pleasant little country pub we
discovered by accident on the way home though the chances of ever finding it
again are remote. The 20th brought the VMCC's Banbury run, an event well worth
a visit to watch the `flat tankers' struggle up Sunrising Hill. It turned out
to be another scorching hot day and after prowling around the autojumble we
were forced to retire to the White Horse at Wroxton to sample their BBQ and
slake our thirsts while watching the competitors ride passed. The hardest part
was prising ourselves from the bench in the sunshine for the ride home, we
could have sat there all day. Finally on the 24th virtually the entire section
invaded the Kings Arms at Farthingstone. With a 30
mile run along winding country lanes on a beautiful mid-summer's evening
concluding at a quaint stone-built village pub with armchairs and draft ales,
club runs just don't get any better than this. Despite filling their car park
with bikes and stealing all the best seats from the locals they seemed
genuinely pleased to see us and made us and our mountain of crash helmets
welcome. Definitely a run to be repeated as often as possible.
May 2010
The Heart of England's
May calendar got off to a good start. First up was an evening run to the White
Hart, Sherrington and with a pleasant evening we managed a good turn out with
ten bikes setting off from our meeting point. Unfortunately the flaw in the
proceedings became apparent when initially only eight arrived at the
destination. It's worth noting at this point that we operate a very simple
system on club runs; each rider keeps at least one bike in their mirror and
should that bike suddenly disappear they simply stop and wait for it. As a
result they in turn vanish from the next guy's view and so on until eventually
the leader finds himself alone, leaving a trail of parked bikes marking the
route back to the point of the delay so those trying to catch up have the route
clearly marked and no one gets left behind. It's simple and it works, or at
least it had for the 13 years I've been with the club. What everybody but me
seemed to know was that Jon - bringing up the rear - was not coming with us but
turning for home part way through. Not a problem had it not been for the second
fly in the ointment. Mick - being a perverse soul - turned up on his Bantam. A
very pretty little bike I'll grant you but in order to halve the drag and thus
double the top speed it has no mirror. Guess who ended up sitting at the
roadside with a road atlas on the saddle trying to find Sherrington? Thanks
guys. I did arrive before the first round was over and they did buy me a pint
so I won't grouse too much. Sadly the run to Grendon fell victim to both the international and the spring bank
holiday, leaving only three brave souls to keep the faith. Conway, Lawrence and
Bryan selflessly upheld the club's honour though it seems while Bryan's twin ran nice and
warm as twins do, it's rider didn't share the same
fate. May evenings can turn cool and much shivering and stamping of feet was
reported. As to whether the advertised log fires and real ale materialised to
make their efforts worth while is unclear but I fear it may not have lived up
to expectations. Never mind guys, summer is coming and
we'll soon get to try out those nice warm waterproofs!
April 2010
April sees the beginning of the
Heart of England's riding season and this year it got off to a cracking start.
First up was an evening run to `The Old Mill Burnt Down' for a skittles
evening. With a clear, mild evening the 10 mile ride through country lanes was
just the ticket to whet the appetite for club runs again though it did land us
in a little trouble. Choosing a venue with no car park meant parking in the
street - outside somebody's window in fact - and apparently the lady of the
house had been trying for ages to get the baby to sleep. Oh well! As with most
competitions and quizzes John was first as usual but in this case first to be
knocked out of this distinctly Northamptonshire game. After a long battle it
was Lawrence
that emerged victorious though when it came to clubbing together to buy the
winner a half everyone had suddenly run out of change. The first Sunday run
took us to Bletchley park, the home of WWII
code-breaking. Although not the best attended event, those of us that did turn
out enjoyed a glorious sunny day's ride through country lanes, an afternoon
exploring the fascinating history of the place including an entertaining and
informative two hour guided tour then a pleasant pint or two at the pub to
round things off. The following Thursday evening's run to the Star Rowing Club
tempted Bryan out on his new toy, the gleaming 650 twin that we'd teased him so
cruelly about the month before. It is beautiful, it truly is, and it sounds
glorious. Looks like we'll be eating humble pie for quite
some time - and deservedly so - providing, of course, the crankpins stay attached.
Lastly came the run to the Stafford
show, a nifty little 150 mile jaunt and always a favourite of mine. I rang
around to see who was joining me. You wouldn't credit the lame excuses. Having
a broken leg (Steve); being in
Florida when an Icelandic volcano decided to blow up (Barry); having to aid a
distressed friend (Elaine); being skint (various);
the list went on and on. I d'know, just no
commitment! Well, for the honour of the section my AJS made it, there and back
without missing a beat. They'll just have to take my word on it concerning the
blond on the Honda stand in the black hot pants and knee-length suede boots.
March 2010
March brought the Heart of
England's quiet season to a close but not before we got to enjoy this year's
round of Conway's
famous TT board game. Every year the selection of chance cards drawn for
landing on a pink square gets added to featuring characters and notorious
events from the section and this year was no exception. Barry's infamous wellies made an appearance this time, entitling the player
to move forward three places though it isn't always the advantage it would
appear to be. With rules that exhibit a certain fluidic quality and the number
of dice in play sort of negotiable you can guarantee it's never boring. Jon Martin, John Bolton
and Peter took first, second and third respectively whilst Conway and Richie
brought up the rear. A great night, though we'll have to wait for next winter
for a re-match. The second meeting was scheduled as a `noggin and natter' and
uncharacteristically for us we spent it talking almost entirely about bikes! To
be precise one bike, the twin Bryan has purchased from Kettering but not yet taken delivery of.
Despite copious advice to buy a single he has bravely gone where a lot of us
fear to tread although whether he'll make it back under his own steam remains
to be seen. We teased him mercilessly, coaching him on how to identify which
crankshafts to buy at autojumbles and where to get magneto rebuilds. As the old
adage goes - a friend in need is a friend with an AMC twin - we assured him
we'd always be there for him, mostly to help him get home. I do hope he knows
us well enough by now, I'm sure it will be a wonderful, reliable bike and he'll
enjoy many happy hours riding it, possibly even a whole day. Don't forget
Bryan, Kettering
Classic Motorcycles do offer a three year guarantee.
What they guarantee it will do in those three years is buried in the very small
print but at least you know it's guaranteed to do it!
February 2010
For the Heart of England
February began with what will probably be hailed as the best quiz of the year.
After what must have amounted to a huge amount of work, Mick presented us with
his own version of Call My Bluff. OK, so maybe that doesn't sound wildly
exciting on the face of it until you consider that when it's played by four
teams of three it means that at any one point two of you have got to sit there
and lie to all but one of the other section members with a perfectly straight
face. Statements like "Henry Cooper - the boxer - was a builder when the
foundations for the third floor canteen (at Plumstead) were laid." seemed
improbable enough yet strangely turned out to be true. The model H was so
called because it was the first Heavyweight, because it followed the model G or
because it was named for Harry Stevens.
Can you spot which are the bare-faced lies? We all thought the `dark traders'
would con us all but in the end it was our sweet innocent primary school
teacher, aided and abetted by the `butter wouldn't melt in his mouth' jeweller
and the now ex-BT man that fooled us all. I'll never trust them again! The
summer planning evening revealed that most of the really interesting events all
fall on the same weekend which coincides with the holidays abroad that everybody's
booked but I'm certain that Barry with his inspired organisational skills will
manage to wring them out as he usually does so most of us will manage to get to
a good number of them. Finally on the 27th the Heart of England had its AGM - A
Good Meal - which is as close to organisation as we get, thank goodness.
Minutes were taken, but only to appreciate the good food, good drink and good
company. Speeches were eloquently made by Lawrence and Pam and John was
presented with a pair of rubber gloves. (No, I don't get it either.) From the
moment Bryan
saw the book `motorcycle apprentice' amongst Susi's
beautifully laid out raffle prizes his heart was set on it. Rumours that he
glued the counterfoil of his ticket to Bonnie's (his wife's) fingers when she
drew the first ticket are, I'm assured, totally unfounded. Never the less he
went home a happy man. Eventually the last stragglers were kicked out at
midnight to wend their way home though I have had eye-witness reports
concerning kissing in the street outside. I worry about them sometimes, I truly
do.
January 2010
Alas the Heart of England's first
meeting of the year fell just a day too late to hold the section's second
annual snow sculpting competition. The event has been postponed until later in
the year, possibly June. Instead my music quiz had to be pressed into service
to provide the entertainment for the evening. Despite the fog
and slush members turned out in droves (or their cars anyway) to attend.
With forty ten-second snippets of music to not recognise and their forty
associated artist's to not know it gave them an hour of intense head
scratching. Even Landlady Angela and her team of locals entered into the spirit
of things but were no match for the expertise of our
members. Peter won the evening with just eleven faults on his otherwise
pristine score sheet with Conway coming a close second with a mere fifteen and
Brian third. Barry, Mick and the Hawkes' duo held the middle ground in the
forty to fifty bracket followed by Lawrence and Susie.
Languishing in joint last place were Angela's bar team and John with only ten
untarnished places left out of eighty. Unfortunately due to problems with the
printer cartridge the rules on the back of some answer sheets were a little
faint but as nobody mentioned it I can only assume they all managed to read
them OK. As luck would have it Chris, our resident expert on not recognising
music from the seventies was unable to attend the meeting which generously gave
the rest a chance.
The second meeting of the month
was scheduled as simply a `noggin & natter' event until Steve came to the rescue with the digital slide show
of his two wheeled trip across (or should it be down, or up?) New Zealand.
This was altogether more successful than the photo evening of a few months back
as, unlike Conway,
he (a) turned up and (b) remembered to bring his laptop to view them on.
Although it wasn't on a bike of the marque I don't think any of us didn't
suffer at least a twinge of jealousy. An epic adventure where
apparently it didn't rain the entire time. Maybe we could have a section
weekend away.....
December 2009
December brought the Heart of
England pre-Christmas lunch run as it has for some years now which, as
usual, was conducted to HoE time. Unfortunately due to
an oversight on our part we'd failed to stress the significance of this to our
newest recruit John McVie. (hope
I've got the name right this time!) HoE time I should point out is the inverse
of BST, running approximately one hour behind traditional time to allow for
Chris putting his gloves on, ie. a
run published as leaving at 10.30 will in fact leave about 11.30 so no one will
bother turning up until about quarter past to avoid the wait. Consequently poor
John gave us up for lost and pressed on alone which was a shame because he
missed the amusement as our run crossed with a VMCC one following a similar
route in the opposite direction. When we arrived at The Lamb we found we'd
gained a Norton and had to explain to the bemused rider that his group were at
least ten miles west and getting further away by the minute. He's probably
still wandering the Northamptonshire lanes searching for them. The Sunday lunch
lived up to our best expectations and we all rolled home replete in the watery
December sunshine well please with the day. By the 10th - the only evening
meeting this month - we'd lost the will to quiz and spent a relaxed evening by
a roaring log fire at the White Horse simply chatting and admiring the neat row
of staples in Chris's scalp. We did feel it was a rather drastic step to
prevent ones hairline receding any further but it just goes to show how far
some people will go to stem the march of time. We certainly didn't believe the
cover story about playing rugby! I mean, who'd be stupid enough to chase a mis-shapen ball around a muddy field at this time of year?
I know we're mad but there are limits! Lawrence
was the only one daft enough to turn up on a bike though it did look pretty
with the frost on the saddle twinkling in the starlight as we left. Now it just
remains to be seen if Santa turns up with that shiny G15 we'd all like and
prepare for a new year of riding ahead.
